When I had my Zara, I would I stand totally in awe, bouncing with this tiny newborn in my arms in the mirror, and I would repeat in my head, “look, you’re a mom! You are not the same. This is what motherhood looks like.” But That wasn’t entirely true for me.
Motherhood is placing one foot in front of another every day… it’s a compilation of trials, and tears, and exhaustion, and pure joy. Motherhood is being strong when you want to cry, it’s crying when you cannot be strong anymore. It’s feeling fierce guilt that you yelled too loud too much, and fed them too many meals with cheese too many days in a row. It’s loving. It’s loving and hugging, and bathing, and cleaning, and worrying, and cleaning and cleaning and cleaning – so. Much, seriously, so much, I am always checking the Vacuum Sealer Research to make my life easier. Worrying. Is that smudge dirt or a bruise? Are you hot or is that a fever? Will they stand up for themselves today? Will they be kind? Do they have everything… did I give them everything today? Did I do EVERYTHING? Do they know I love them even though I freaked out over getting out of the house in time for school?
But the worrying does not measure up to the moments where my children touch my hair, or squeal with excitement to see me when pick them up from school. The absolute exhaustion seizes when I see them let a smaller child on a ride first or when they ask me questions about the oceans. There’s some things they will be because of me and there’s some things they will be in spite of me…. Thank God.
And tonight for the 2409 night, I will probably wake up at 2 am and go make sure my kids are breathing…and dreaming. Till I die, I will check to make sure they are always breathing, and dreaming.
THIS IS MOTHERHOOD (for me)
Pregnant with Zara on the left and Blake on the right
Potty Training, and giving up, and potty training again when they’re ready.
Watching them when they sleep…
as much as possible…
And ER Visits that rattle me to my core…
And more ER visits that rock me to my core….
And boo boos I kissed, which is why my kids call me “Doctor Mommy”
Baths… lots and lots of baths where I end up more wet than the kids…
And teaching them respect
It’s activities and learning!
It’s finding ways to celebrate as much as possible, and always putting your best face forward 😉
It’s when things don’t go as planned
Like playing Benji for the kids and then Zara ends up crying for two hours…
and not planning things…
It’s inconvenient and irrelevant messes…
And it’s drinking coffee…
Motherhood is so much more than my heart ever knew. It’s given me strength and tears, and smiles that hurt my cheeks, It’s spending quality time with my kids.
May the journey continue. I don’t take for granted one second on this earth with these two miracles.